Winners!!

The votes have been tallied, and we have a winner in the First Annual Christmas Quiz Bowl Challenge Event! We had many close entries, but Becky and Hema are the winners. They absolutely nailed every answer. For #2 Pepe and I would have also accepted "Silver and Gold," from the Rudolph the Reindeer clay-mation performance. Becky and Hema, check the mail, because a delicious Christmas dessert unit is on its way!

Merry December 28th!

Christmas card from Stance and 3rd-grade Program Hands.

P.S. I lost that fleece somewhere - I think on the Red Pine trip. If anyone has seen it, I want it back, even though the sleeve length is clearly insufficient.

Christmas Quiz

In the spirit of both Christmas and trivia, Pepetonio and I have devised this little Christmas quiz for everyone. The first one to contact me with the correct answers will receive a free Christmas dessert unit.

1. When did Good King Wenceslas look down?

2. What is the worst Christmas song of all time?

3. Who is the other reindeer (according to Pepe)?

4. The three words that best describe The Grinch are:

5. What one present did the Clarke family get to open last year on Christmas Eve?

An Affair to Remember

I watched An Affair to Remember with my sister Marie over the last couple days (confession: I did spend the majority of the time building Legos with Log. But I listened with rapt attention to the witty banter, etc.). In most shows like that, the man and woman meet, sparks fly, some sort of conflict arises, there's feelings, and then in the end they both realize how wrong they were. There's kind of a give and take.

"I guess I should have treated you better."
"Well, I guess I shouldn't have judged you."

Something to that effect. Well, An Affair to Remember is different. There's some conflict and some misunderstanding, but it's all the woman's fault. Sure, she got in a car accident, but seriously, how hard would it be to just text him, or shoot him a fax? I know I'm not being very PC here, and I'll probably get torn to shreds in the papers tomorrow morning, but this is the truth. High five to Cary Grant for having the patience to stick with her.

Group Evaluations

In my marketing class (MBA 550), we were asked to evaluate the members of the groups we were in all semester. We were then given the opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that may have impacted the scores we received from our team members. The following is my response. Click on the picture to see it bigger.

Un Nuevo Look

I think we'd better take a moment and talk about hairstyle. I noticed the other day that I have Ken hair (circa 1980's). I'm still trying to decide whether this is a good or a bad thing, but in any case it got me thinking about hair. I think there are a number of ways to go with this. A classic choice is the bowl cut. It's easy to do, easy to maintain, and absolutely guaranteed to help you avoid those unwanted social interactions. The Boy has been a fan for a few years now of the 90's wave. It's a little harder to pull off, but it's a go-to look if you're looking for the "wow" factor. Some people will still recommend the mullet, not realizing that like cigarettes, wearing the mullet has now been banned in public areas in 47 states (Mississippi, South Dakota, and Tennessee are unfortunate exceptions). The best way to get a cheap, easy, nondescript haircut is to put down your $69.95 and invest in a Flowbee. Invented by San Diego carpenter, entrepreneur, and hair diva Rick Hunts, the Flowbee combines the best attributes of a vacuum cleaner and a set of hair clippers to form the ultimate hairstyle machine. Flowbee is suitable for both people and pets, and is really a lifetime investment. I've read the testimonials, and they moved me to tears.

Nation, the importance of Hairstyle cannot be underemphasized. Please contact me if I have omitted any important hairstyle developments.

Point - Counterpoint: Volume I

This is the first in a series in which international experts are invited to share insights on today's most pressing issues. Feel free to leave a comment to keep the conversation going.

Reptiles As Food

Point-
By Rogers Hammerstein

I generally take a stance against them, except in one specific case; when they are to be used as food. Personally, I think eating chicken is weird. You wouldn't eat a pigeon would you? Time to study for the SAT's- mouse is to pigeon as rat is to......

Plus it is a scientific fact that reptile meat includes a variety of antivitamins. Antivitamins are mega vitamins that are only effective on super intelligent beings like geoscientists and Bill Cosby. Reptile meat contains zero regular vitamins, which is actually good because vitamins are actually a way for Sarah Palin and evil republicans to control your mind and make you hate the environment.

Have you ever tasted gila monster tettrazinni, gharial gumbo, two-toed worm lizard parmesan? If not, it is likely you have never visited La Paz or Sri Lanka.

Counterpoint-

by Tevye the Dairyman

I prefer possums.

Careful With That Rake

Perhaps my favorite part about Capitol Reef National Park is the disembodied heads you can sometimes find in the undergrowth.

Journal

The last thing any of you want to hear about is what is actually going on in my life. However, in the name of providing some context for the next few months' activities, I digress into personal matters. Yesterday I accepted an offer with PricewaterhouseCoopers for an internship in San Francisco this summer. I had a great experience interviewing both there and with Ernst & Young in San Jose. The decision was difficult, but I feel good about PwC. Now the only question is where to live . . .

At the risk of over-YouTubing, I have to share this. This is probably my favorite version of a song that's beautiful to begin with. If anyone knows how she can sing that low, let me know.

Role Models

Here's a fun exercise I tried on Saturday. Look at each member of this legendary rock 'n' roll band. Take your time. Look at each of their faces. As you look at each one, try to guess how many positive life decisions they have made in total, ever. Six? Twelve? None? And yet they have produced some of the greatest rock charts of all time. So what do we learn from Journey? Do you need intelligence to make history? No, obviously not. Do you need good looks? Clearly, no. All you need is to have the music inside you. The music inside you.

Outfit of the Week

Every week or so my cousin Diana creates an Outfit of the Week and shares it with the world. Her outfits always demonstrate style, class, and dignity. Without intending to one-up Cousin Di, I thought it would be best if I offered my own perspective on Outfit of the Week.

Possible Birthday Idea?

I hear Jo Metro might like a pair as well...

Click here.

Jelly Beans

This week I was feeling very mischievous and drowsy so I decided to put some extremely gross jelly beans in a freshly baked cake. The flavors were skunk spray, pencil shavings, rotten egg, toothpaste, ear wax, vomit, booger, moldy cheese, baby wipes, and black pepper. It turns out that a lady on our street had recently had stomach surgery and my grandparents were over. The woman ended up recieving one as well as my grandma. So I suggest that you don't trust my cooking anymore.

Posted by Pepetonio

Even Prouder to Be an American

This is sweet. Marvin Gaye performing the national anthem before the 1983 NBA All-Star Game. I've listened to it about 13 times in a row.

Wedding Planner II: Getting Personal

I continue to offer my services as a wedding consultant. While I tailor each wedding to the individuals involved, I have recently begun thinking of my own TBA wedding. Specifically, I've compiled a list of performances I would like to have be a part of the festivities. Tentative program:

1. Mary, Did You Know, performed by Nick Tanner.
2. It's Too Late to Call the Judge, performed by Tyler Madsen, featuring background vocals by my mom.
3. Utah, People Working Together, performed by Pepetonio.
4. I Wanna Be Where the People Are, performed by Laura (& baby Tinsel?).
5. Porque es tan Cruel el Amor?, performed by Dan Whitehead.
6. If I Were the King of the Forest, performed by Uncle Hal.
   
7. The Stars and Stripes Forever, a piano quartet featuring Marie Clarke.
8. Lady in Red (my official wedding song), performed by The Boy, with Is it Any Wonder? as an encore performance.

I believe this should provide for a welcome change in tempo from the majority of wedding luncheons. Am I neglecting anything? Are there any other performances that should be included?

Swagger, Cont'd.

Alert reader and S6 member Matt informed me this morning that I am not the only one who has benefited from this remarkable consumer product:

Swagger in Action

Look Carefully

What they see:

What I see:

Guest Post

As a part of my ongoing quest to broaden my intellectual horizons, I have invited my good friend and noted herpetologist, Jolyn Djibouti Metro, to share a few thoughts this week:

Growing up, the only living creatures that were allowed to live inside of our house (with our knowledge...) besides homo sapiens were reptiles and amphibians. We went through numerous frogs, lizards, and snakes. We learned a lot about metamorphosis by watching the 2-legged "frogs" change into fully developed ones; we learned about adaptation by watching the lizard grow it's severed tail back; and we learned a lot about the life cycle by watching our 6' long gardener snake devour one small white mouse weekly. This provided much hands-on education for us Metro kids, which was probably needed due to the fact that we were homeschooled for a considerable portion of our elementary school years.

I can really only remember two of the lizards that we had, Minnie and Mickey. Minnie died within three days of us purchasing her, just by dying, in her cage, all alone. Her funeral consisted solely of us throwing her in the dumpster outside. That's when we got Mickey. He lasted a much longer time, but his end was much more tragic than Minnie's.

In the particular house that we were living in at the time (8613 Dixie Canyon Court, Antelope, CA 95843 Phone Number (916) 729-1284--just providing proof of my unfailing memory) we had a study which was positioned adjacent to the living room. We used it as our office, and it housed a majority of our books. It was also where we kept our pets. We walked in one day to find my little brother Ben and his friend, Drew Farley, grasping our little Mickey by the tail and hurling him over and over and over across the room against the painfully white double doors that led to the study. Needless to say, he died. Ben, that is. Dad wasn't too pleased with his actions, so Ben got the ax. No, I'm just kidding, Mickey died. And despite the fact that he died in a much more dramatic and heroic way than Minnie, he got the same exact funeral treatment.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Funeral celebrations should be based on the way you die. There is a hierarchy of death that this world is not living up to. Death by old age while at home with all your family surrounding you? That really deserves no celebration at all. Death by flying squirrel? You should at least get a box to sleep in. Death by being caught in the middle of a street shooting? Eulogy provided by 50 Cent.

We need to stop celebrating and encouraging mediocrity, that includes mediocre deaths. Mediocrity is the #1 problem facing the world today, and we're perpetuating it in ways that we don't even realize. Most people recognize the mediocrity that they're pushing in little kids gymnastics class. The kid who can't even do a somersault gets the exact same ribbon as the kid who can do a Mariel 540. This says to the kid, "you don't have to even try to excel, you get the same prize as everyone else." So why aren't people realizing the same thing is said with funerals? If we provide the same type of funerals to everyone, no matter what type of death, we're basically saying, "Yeah, go ahead and don't even try to be a hero and die well. You get the same treatment as all these other people."

So, let's take a stand against the unjust and equal funeral system and start providing people who have died from choking on pretzels with the funeral they deserve: throwing them in the dumpster.
~


Jolyn Djibouti Metro

Positive Experience

When Pepetonio was about 8 years old, I showed him how to tie a necktie (single Windsdor, like the real men). He asked me to show him again, and I did so slowly, with him following along. Pepe has been tying his own tie ever since, with no further instruction or demonstration. I commended him on his rapid mastery of the discipline this morning, and he sat back in my chair, reflecting. He said, "There have been a couple of times when I messed up and it turned out pretty weird, but overall I've had a positive experience with it."

Pepe is unique in his combination of both acting his age (10) and closing the gap (athletically, intellectually, etc.) between he and his much-older siblings. This is a boy who laughs at the "all-American" Budweiser commercials during the olympics because he knows Anheuser-Busch was recently acquired by a Belgian-Brazilian conglomerate. This is also a boy who regularly asks which of his stuffed animals we think he should sleep with tonight. This is a boy who can identify, either by sight or by sound, more birds than anyone I've ever met. This is a boy who told me that at his football game yesterday, he put the first kid he blocked on his back, but that after that, "he knew I was coming."

Hanging out with Pepe has been one of my favorite parts about living at home this summer, and I'll honestly miss him when I go back to Provo in the fall.

Don't Hassle Me, I'm Local

I normally don't read local newspapers, because nothing really happens in Utah. After reading this article in the Deseret Morning News recently, I have decided to change that policy. Pardon the unprofessional article presentation.

Please note the cause of the scuffle.

Nomenclature

One of my siblings (I'm not telling which) is going to have a baby in December. The gender of said baby has not yet been determined. There have been many suggestions as to the name of this child, which I will put forth here, under their respective subject headings.

Christmas Names
Wenceslas
Tinsel
Scamper (after the penguin)
Ebenezer
George Bailey
Tiny Tim
Kris

Names from my Work
Doug
Don
Bruce
Garth
Kathy
Vivian (Viv)
Enrique
Mary Lou
Ursula

Names from History
Sacajawea
Boo (as in Boo Radley)
Hercules
Ramses
Oprah
Mohammed
Bronco
Florence
Knute
Draco

These are just a few of the ones we've been considering. Additional suggestions, however, are most welcome.

Loridan

Yesterday morning, I realized that my house is not on the way to anything. Unless you are headed to one of the houses on our street, you'd better turn around, because this street won't help you get there. I like this. It means that my home will always be a destination, not just part of the journey, and the attraction will always be the people who live here because there are no other major attractions up this way! Because my home rests upon roads less traveled, I cannot come here on a mere detour on the way to something bigger and better. Coming home means, at a minimum, a purposeful pause in my journey. I may have other places to go, eventually, but for now I've come home.

Really Deep

The following is a comment somebody left after the video for Chris Brown's With You. I've been really impressed by the emotional maturity she expresses, especially given Mr. Brown's fancy footwork in the video.


i love this song. but at the same time it makes me sorta wanna cry. i danced at a school dance with my crush to this song and then he said he liked me. then he decided he didnt and ive liked him ever since. so its amazing song and its really deep. i love it

Wedding Planner

I've been to a lot of weddings and receptions recently. Most of my friends are married or will be married soon. Some of my younger siblings are married. While I can't say I am good at getting married, I do feel like I'm getting really good at going to wedding receptions. I can be part of the wedding group (denoted by an "outfit") or I can be just an average spectator, either way. I bring a lot of versatility to the table. Given my vast experience base, I feel quite qualified to give a few pointers to anyone who is planning a reception in the near future.

1. Colors
Let's start with the basics here. A common mistake on the color front is to choose overused hues like blue, pink, red, etc. So 20th century. If you're really looking for a special day, go with something original, like tan and dark gray. Definite hit.

2. Music
This was basically all I wanted to talk about in the first place. I was thinking today about the song Lady in Red, by Chris De Burgh, and how it is without question one of the worst songs of all time. Then I thought, wouldn't it be awesome if somebody used that at their wedding reception? Like, in Panguitch? That would be perfect! Big bangs, tan and dark gray outfits, and Lady in Red on the wedding video. "We met at a church dance in the eighth grade, and this has been our song ever since." True, by Spandau Ballet, and Never Gonna Give You Up, by Rick Astley, could complete the playlist.

3. Ball Caps

The feel of a wedding, the look of NBA draft day. What could be better? Looking back on Laura's wedding, this is probably the moment that The Boy and I are most proud of.

4. Wild Kids
Really, a reception's not a reception without a small band of kids running amuck. I have it on good authority that at a recent reception, one of my young cousins was seen filling his pockets with the chocolate fountain. This is by far the best way to give the happy couple a preview of the joys of parenting that await them.

That should probably do it for now. I also have great insights regarding the menu, wedding group roster, venue, invitations, etc., but those all figure into my billable hours, so I won't share them here.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Alert reader and cultural advocate Jolyn Metro sent me this outstanding article this morning. I was deeply moved as I read it, and it made me reflect on my life-pace and whether I am running the race right. I highly recommend it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

The author has received a Pulitzer Prize for this work, as I understand it.

Basic What?

Yesterday's dinner disappointment has made me consider more deeply the packaging associated with food products. I was discussing this subject with Laura, one of the sisters that I have, and she pointed out Basic 4 cereal, a General Mills offering. As many of you are no doubt aware, there has been quite a bit of controversy surrounding this "wholesome" cereal choice. The point of debate has been the Basic 4 components. Nowhere on the box is it clearly stated what the Basic 4 are. The consumer is left to her own logic, supermarket rumors, and internet chat rooms to discover the true make-up. Let's analyze a few of the contemporary views.

One suggestion is that the Basic 4 are in fact the original four food groups (grains, fruits/vegetables, meats, dairy). This seems fairly logical, until one considers the low meat content in Basic 4. Others have declared that the Basic 4 are the four words bolded in green on the front of the box. Grains, nuts, and fruits all pass muster, but "delicious" is a no-go. Tell me how you plan to include "delicious" (independent of all other ingredients) in a cereal box. "Loaded with nine essential vitamins, minerals and adjectives." Please. Delicious isn't even FDA approved. Another hypothesis is that Basic 4 refers to the first four ingredients, namely whole grain wheat (wholesome), corn meal, sugar, and brown sugar. I guess those are all pretty basic, but I don't know why they'd want to call attention to the fact that two of the four are sugars (less wholesome).

In short, we basically (pun intended) have a handful of theories that are tenuous at best, outrageous lies at worst. I turn the matter over to the community at large: Do any of you know what the Basic 4 are? Even better, can any of you produce documentation from General Mills certifying the identity of said 4?

All Artificial Ingredients!

Well, this box contained tonight's "dinner". Obviously my expectations were low, about as low as the nutritional content of Michelina's Lean Gourmet fare. I was struck by the little badge placed right on top of the heap of noodles and what-not. "Chef Inspired Recipe". What an intriguing phrase in itself, let alone to be placed on a badge. What can that mean? Was the maker of this meal (Michelina herself?) thinking of a favorite chef as she assembled this culinary mediocrity? Are we to imply that "Chef Inspired" means that an actual food professional was considered, but not necessarily consulted in the design of this dish? "Why yes, I was specifically thinking of Chef Gusteau when I decided that MSG would be the perfect complement to the trans fat in the sauce."

Upon close scrutiny, the tiny round green circle near the bottom of the plate bears an even more cryptic phrase. "Inspected for wholesomeness by the U.S. Department of Agriculture." What does THAT mean? It doesn't even say what the results of the inspection were! I assume it passed, but then again my experience in actually ingesting the Lean Gourmet "Chicken" Alfredo Florentine doesn't particularly shore up that assumption. I'm no dietician (refer to the Allison Knab), but I don't recall the term "wholesomeness" being used in any sort of specific nutritional way. It's a great way to make something sound healthy without getting into any supporting details. I'm disappointed and truly surprised that a governmental agency would produce a vague, uninformative certification. It's so unlike them.

McFerrin & Bona

This performance by Richard Bona and Bobby McFerrin is maybe the purest musical performance I've ever seen it. Makes me wonder why I've ever wasted my time listening to marginally talented musicians.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iimMKWF7SK0&feature=related

If I Had a Thousand Dollars

The other day, Log and I were eating dinner. He pointed out that I was making a lot of money in my job (from a 10-year-old's perspective), so why couldn't I just give him a thousand dollars? This made reflect seriously. In the last week, Log has brought home four wild frogs (and built a superb habitat for them), discovered three baby quail and attempted to keep them alive, and borrowed a toad from his buddy Kaden. Given the kid's limited resources, he has been remarkably successful in transforming our east Sandy home into Animal Planet. I've tried to imagine what critters we'd find roaming the grounds if he had a grand to add into the kitty.

Someone said recently that Laura has become so impressed with Paul Pierce (regardless of whether he really is Hispanic) that she's vowed to name the babe "The Truth" in his honor.

I've decided not to post any pictures of last night's bouldering, but I will say this: if current trends continue, it would be wise to buy stock in makers of Loc-tite super glue and Band-Aids. That's basically what's holding my hands together right now.

Immigration

As a rare foray from the monological pretenses of Headlong Into the Blue, I'd like to enlist the help of any of you readers out there. I frequently hear poorly crafted, illogical arguments on the issue of immigration. I see people (i.e., the Minutemen) getting lathered up about the influx of Hispanics and other immigrants into Utah and other states. I hear snarls of "They're stealing our jobs," and "They don't speak our language." I admit that I am biased towards the Latinos, having lived for two years in Uruguay, but I personally don't see what's wrong with having more immigrants in the state. What would the negative consequences be if we just made it less difficult for these folks to enter the United States for work? This seems suspiciously simple to me, but I'm having trouble seeing the opposing point of view. Readers, can you point out any gaps in my reasoning? Why is it so bad to have all these immigrants in the country?

Flapper

As per request...

The Legend of Log and Mr. Toilet Paper

So one night when I was in high school, Log was going to bed, and Jord (The Boy) and I were hanging out downstairs. After a while, a voice called out from Log's room, indicating that sleep had not been achieved. Ever the doting older brother, I cracked the door open to check on the kid. He claimed that getting to sleep would be difficult, nay, impossible, unless Ducky was retrieved from upstairs (Ducky, as his name indicates, is the duck component of Log's stuffed animal menagerie). Well, I had no desire to make the trek, and I knew The Boy would be even less eager. My mind raced to find a worthy substitute. Aha! "Log," I said, "a new pal will be joining you tonight." I left him briefly and soon returned from the bathroom, bearing Ducky's sit-in.

"This is Mr. Toilet Paper," I said, handing him the fresh roll I had just pulled from under the bathroom sink. "He's very soft and cuddly, and will be the perfect bunkmate." Log snuggled right up to Mr. Toilet Paper and was soon sleeping angelically. The Boy and I had a good chuckle in the other room, and we both thought that was the end of it. The next day when I got home from work, my mom was waiting for me. "Jae, can you think of any reason why there would be a roll of toilet paper in Logan's bed this morning?" I'm sure her imagination had just gone wild thinking of possible explanations, most of them quite unpleasant, for the roll's presence in Log's bed. I quickly related the tale to my concerned and confused mother, who was relieved and (luckily) amused by the incident.

Log has since learned to be more wary of his older brothers, and I have learned that I probably won't need to buy expensive stuffed animals for my children.

The End

Carlitos II: My Missionaries in a Foreign Field

"Feeling the pinch at the pump."

There's a man at my work named "Farrell Badger."

Last night I was asked to be on Tooth Fairy duty for Log, who claims he still believes (he knows better than to stop the gravy train). I went into his room when he was asleep and saw that in addition to the two molars in a Ziploc under his pillow, he had a shark's tooth from Tonga in a bag on his nightstand. Of course I couldn't resist, and exchanged his teeth for a screw and a paper clip, and put money in the bag in the place of the shark's tooth. When morning came, Log was insulted that the Tooth Fairy had placed such a low value on his teeth. He was also offended that his prized souvenir had been swiped.

This would have been especially funny to The Boy, who is well acquainted with the Legend of Log and Mr. Toilet Paper.

Carlitos

As many of you may well be aware, my brother, The Boy, entered the Empty-Sea a week ago, to get trained and stuff for his mission to Phoenix (he's LDS). There are many upsides to this development, including salvation for the Mexican People, but there are some drawbacks for those of us on the home front. One of these for me has been the loss (temporary) of one of the few people on earth who finds humor in the same things I do. I can no longer just shoot him off a text in the middle of the day saying something that I know only he and I will find funny. So for the last week, these funny thoughts have been building up inside me with no outlet. And then I remembered: my blog! So, dear readers, with no further explanation, here's what's been cracking me up since last Wednesday.

Tommy. Tom Cat. You can never have too many cats named Tom.
-Artie Fufkin

Do you like ice cream treats?
-Unknown

Picture in the Deseret Morning News of a SL Real player giving an opponent a wedgie mid-game.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700230878,00.html
(Okay, the rest of the world may find this funny also.)

Big right paw to big left paw.
-Big Dave

Oh, it's good to work in the soil. I love just working in the soil.
-Hal T.

And many more that I've surpressed/forgotten. I sigh as I stare into the steady rain and confront the reality of two humorless years ahead of me.

Today's recommendations:
Viva La Vida, Coldplay
Believe, The Bravery
A-Punk, Vampire Weekend

Cinco de Mayo

Yesterday I started work at an international explosives company. I learned that I am not allowed to use their name in writing, so don't think I am trying to be mysterious by not mentioning specifics! It really is quite an impressive organization, so I've been puzzled as to why they hired me. That became apparent early on yesterday. The company has a huge emphasis on safety. I also have a huge emphasis on safety. How many times have I personally admonished you to be safe? Most of you sneer and discard my counsel, but I remain undeterred. At work, we spend most of the first day learning about safety strategies, reviewing an extremely comprehensive drug and alcohol policy (I left not entirely sure I am in compliance, that's how comprehensive), thinking about safety, identifying possible safety hazards (in an office environment, mind you), and just being safe. I didn't see any helmets worn, but it wouldn't surprise me.

My job there is to do the taxes.

My fantasy team is still going strong (2nd place currently). I HIGHLY recommend the song "Eyes" by Rogue Wave. The boy is leaving soon for the mission, and Knab dog turns twenty something today.

The Reef

The boy and I have been in an Outdoor Recreation class. What this means is that BYU gives us two credit hours to do the things we'd be skipping class to do anyway. Very considerate of them, don't you think? A couple of weekends ago, the class went on a field trip of sorts to Capitol Reef National Park. The purpose of the trip, as I understood it, was to walk around in the desert, take pictures of us being Extreme, and practice Safety. The scenery, it turns out, was actually breathtaking. Cassiday Arch, pictured to the right, is now my favorite arch. The on-trail dialogue, for which the boy and I have become legendary, was superb. Unfortunately, there were no wild animal attacks or serious injuries, but other than that it was a great trip. I feel so lucky to be living in Utah, so close to awesome stuff like Capitol Reef. I feel for all those kids who live in boring places like Missouri or Kansas with no scenery anywhere.

Luck/Skill?

This year marks my first foray into the world of fantasy baseball. Some friends invited me to join their league, and I eagerly accepted, knowing that as the only Yankee fan in a league of Red Sox faithful, this would be an excellent opportunity to do some missionary work. I grossly underestimated the intensity of fantasy baseball. These guys put some serious time into researching players, analyzing, hypothesizing, conjecturing, etc. I'm more of a gut feel type of fantasy player (read: minimal effort/research). However, my team has been performing quite well thus far (first place in the league after two days). While startled by this success, I am not completely baffled. There is a precedent here. For the last two seasons, my sister Laura has dominated our family March Madness bracket competition. Her knowledge of the teams and of basketball in general is limited, yet she's remarkably accurate. Last year she was ranked number 1 on ESPN.com after the first day of play, and she finished far higher than any of us ever has. I wish I could offer some explanation as to the causes of these sports phenomenon, but I've got nothing. My apologies to Jessica Hagy for blatantly mimicking her graph approach. Meanwhile, keep cheering on Los Mulos, the most successful and least managed team in the league!

Self-Esteem on a Stick

I recently purchased a new stick of deodorant. Normally I'm pretty conservative when it comes to deodorant (none of this Axe business), but as I scanned the various scents on Monday, I encountered an opportunity way too good to pass up. This flavor of Old Spice's RED ZONE line is called "Swagger". A careful reading of the banner near the top of the stick indicates that Swagger is indeed The Official Scent of Confidence. And to think I'd been living a timid, bashful, and hesitant life when the cure was right there on the Wal-Mart shelves. And for those skeptics among you, let me just say this. Since I've started using Swagger, my confidence has doubled, nay, tripled. Not since Orange-Orange VitaminWater has my life been so profoundly impacted by a consumer product. I encourage any of you who may be shy, nervous, or fearful to pick up a stick and try it for yourself!

Media

I've always been intrigued by the way entertainers consistently deny responsibility for the messages they propagate. Charles Barkley is famously quoted (albeit out of context) for asserting that athletes aren't role models. The latest edition in this saga of moral abdication is found in this week's TIME (March 3 Issue, p. 8). In a Q&A session, rapper-actor-entrepreneur Sean Combs, aka P. Diddy, Puffy, etc., was asked the following question:

Do you feel the culture of vanity in rap and hip-hop has given young people a skewed reality of what is important in life?

His interesting response:

"A lot of things affect people's views if they let their views be affected. A weak-minded person who was going to do something negative or be vain was going to do that whether it was the music or somebody else that affected him."

Essentially, our friend Puffy is saying that yes, the culture of vanity (and worse!) in rap and hip-hop does have the potential to alter a young person's perception of what is important in life, but the responsibility rests entirely on that inexperienced young person to discern what is real and what is important. We will spend our careers making the hip-hop lifestyle appear enticing, normal, fulfilling, and realistic, but that's no reason for the youth to think that it really is. We can't be held responsible for their thinking that it is.

I believe this is why it's so important for each of us to take full responsibility for the voices we allow to influence our lives. If we allow ourselves to be deceived, we can't expect to be able to shift the blame to anyone else. No one out in the world is taking pains to ensure we're not led astray, so we can't be expecting them to.

Balance

On Wednesday, I tried cross-country skiing, and this was the result.

The Cali

This weekend, the team decided to take a road trip to Baker, California. Arrangements were made, food was gathered, playlists were assembled, and applicants were screened. We left Friday afternoon and reached the Baker area later that night. As we approached the greater Baker metro area, we suddenly remembered that Baker is the least desirable place on the planet. Change of plans. The committee decided to change course and head to Ontario, Cali to spend some quality time with the Pratts. The Wildcat and the Wilde brothers rolled in at about 1:30 am. After a good night's sleep and a sumptuous breakfast, Saturday morning was spent enjoying traffic (Lisa claims to actually enjoy being stuck in L.A. traffic) and hobnobbing at the J. Paul Getty Center. I was most impressed with a work by James Ensor called Christ's Entry into Brussels in 1889. I loved the way he captured mankind's tendency to focus on the trappings of monumental events rather than the true impact they have. The Getty itself is a great work of art, accentuating the natural hilltop features nicely and implying a Mediterranean ambiance. It would be cool to hang out there even if there were no art on display. If you go there, be sure to check out the rebar trees. I liked them.

Lunch was In-N-Out in Hollywood. The highlight for me was meeting local skate legend Vrazil (both he and the tat on his chest said that was his name) and checking out a few of his moves. Dude's got it. Then we went to the beach next to Santa Monica pier, and just soaked it all in. I've never lived next to a beach, but I'd be down there every day if I lived there. Jesse showed us the beginnings of a promising modeling career, and Shannon from Texas played her first game of football in 20+ years. Brady introduced us to The Claw, and Jen and I had a dramatic cousin moment. Then it was to Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles for dinner. In earlier posts, I have documented my efforts at cultural diversity. Roscoe's tops them all. I don't think I've ever been as much of an ethnic minority as I was at Roscoe's, not even when I was on my mission to Uruguay. Surprisingly, the waffles - fried chicken combo is delicious. I'm pretty sure it was all organic, so don't worry about it. Saturday night ended with some more hanging with the Pratts. Bob keeps a straight face during all his jokes, and Mary never stops smiling. They are such beautiful people! (The Heecups)

Sunday was church, a gorgeous nap outside by the pool, and singing around the piano. Later we went to the impressive L.A. temple. The temple's unabashed prominence imposes a degree of spiritual tranquility on an otherwise secular and misguided locale. I love the temple for what it represents. Sunday in Cali was for me what it always should be: a day of complete physical and spiritual renewal.

Monday began with a delicious breakfast and some difficult goodbyes. The Pratts pumped us full of love the whole time we were there, and it was difficult to leave them. We left feeling fulfilled and rejuvenated. The trip from Ontario to Las Vegas was uneventful with one notable exception. Jolyn demonstrated her talent and versatility by successfully catching and holding 30 red seedless grapes in her mouth. If this is difficult to visualize, I refer you to the YouTube clips on blowfish. Truly a remarkable performance on her part.

Our stop in Sin City was filled with extreme contrasts. The beauty and precision of the Bellagio fountain show contrasted with the moral ugliness of the Strip. Jenna's confidence and self-assurance as she performed on the street contrasted with the insecurity and inner confusion apparent on the faces of most of the people who passed us on the streets. We had to stop at the last In-N-Out before Utah, and I had a 4x4 for the first time (I totally endorse it). I realize looking back that I spent most of the drive down and the drive home singing along to the iPod without ever really knowing the words to the songs. I'd like to use this blog as the outlet for my sincere apology to everyone who rode in the car. We finally rolled back into freezing Provo Monday night at about 11:30, eager to be cold again and get back to that homework.

Diversity

One of the biggest knocks on me recently has been my apparent lack of diversity. I'm a single white male from a field of study that few (besides me) find interesting. I don't make special efforts to follow the crowd and fit in, but when I look at everyone around me, I can't help but think that what truly makes me unique is my sameness - how much I am just like the next guy. In school, when they have you take the standardized tests, there's always a section where they ask you your ethnicity. I feel so boring and uncreative having to check "White/Caucasian" all the time. First of all, I don't think any of my ancestors came from Caucasia, or wherever. My ancestors are from like, Idaho. Second of all, I don't think "White/Caucasian" is an acceptable term in today's politically correct environment. If anything, I'd like to be known as a Caucasian-American. Thirdly, I don't think race should even be an issue in this election. I'm not a race candidate.

Improved diversity was one of the major reasons why Tyler and I embarked on The Great American Road Trip this summer. We really made some efforts to be cultural as we made our way through Wyoming, South Dakota, The South, etc.

If Waffle House grits don't make a man ethnic, I don't know what can. And this, nation, is where I need your help. Can you think of ways for me to be more diverse?

Parenting?

Recently I've been thinking about the way parents often live out their insecurities through their children. You see it a lot with parents who micromanage their children's lives in order to help them "succeed". Sometimes the kids like it, and I guess that works for them. It seems, though, that many of these parents have some deep-seated insecurities that impel them to push their kids' success so they (the parents) can feel validated. I'm concerned when parents act more like their children's promoters than their parents. I hope that when I'm a parent, I'll be secure enough that I won't need to pin my own self-esteem on my kids' level of achievement. I'll help them succeed, obviously, and I'll teach them excellence, but I won't need their successes to build me up. When they succeed, it'll be their success, based on their efforts.

Revival

It's tempting to try and offer some reason or explanation for why the blog hasn't been updated since June, but I'm just not going to. The purpose of Headlong Into the Blue (formerly known as Jae and Tyler's Excellent American Adventure, or something like that) is to provide some documentation to posterity that we actually existed, and so our kids will know that we didn't just get weird when we got old. We've always been like this.

We recently made a trip to the Four Corners, the point where Utah, Arizona, New Mexico and Colorado all meet. I've been trying to think, and I'm not aware of a more useless and unimportant destination in all the United States. Obviously it was imperative for us to visit it. Just about any road trip to Four Corners would have been a spectacular success, but this one was even more so since we convinced The Boy to come along. As we set out, our objectives were simple: We wanted to end up at Four Corners, we wanted to do cool stuff on the way down, and we didn't want to be restricted by a structured plan. Every objective was met triumphantly, and we ended up seeing not only the famed Four Corners, but also world-famous Dead Horse Point and the Utah classic, Delicate Arch. A delicious pizza rendezvous in Blanding sealed the victory (not just the best pizza in Blanding, the only pizza!). Also, Kaylene got to meet a real life drawing of a kit fox.

The real value of the trip was seeing several hours' worth of territory that should be uninhabited but for some reason isn't. It is kind of surprising to see people living in some of these places, but they do for some reason. Small-town folk have always fascinated me for that reason.