Basic What?

Yesterday's dinner disappointment has made me consider more deeply the packaging associated with food products. I was discussing this subject with Laura, one of the sisters that I have, and she pointed out Basic 4 cereal, a General Mills offering. As many of you are no doubt aware, there has been quite a bit of controversy surrounding this "wholesome" cereal choice. The point of debate has been the Basic 4 components. Nowhere on the box is it clearly stated what the Basic 4 are. The consumer is left to her own logic, supermarket rumors, and internet chat rooms to discover the true make-up. Let's analyze a few of the contemporary views.

One suggestion is that the Basic 4 are in fact the original four food groups (grains, fruits/vegetables, meats, dairy). This seems fairly logical, until one considers the low meat content in Basic 4. Others have declared that the Basic 4 are the four words bolded in green on the front of the box. Grains, nuts, and fruits all pass muster, but "delicious" is a no-go. Tell me how you plan to include "delicious" (independent of all other ingredients) in a cereal box. "Loaded with nine essential vitamins, minerals and adjectives." Please. Delicious isn't even FDA approved. Another hypothesis is that Basic 4 refers to the first four ingredients, namely whole grain wheat (wholesome), corn meal, sugar, and brown sugar. I guess those are all pretty basic, but I don't know why they'd want to call attention to the fact that two of the four are sugars (less wholesome).

In short, we basically (pun intended) have a handful of theories that are tenuous at best, outrageous lies at worst. I turn the matter over to the community at large: Do any of you know what the Basic 4 are? Even better, can any of you produce documentation from General Mills certifying the identity of said 4?

All Artificial Ingredients!

Well, this box contained tonight's "dinner". Obviously my expectations were low, about as low as the nutritional content of Michelina's Lean Gourmet fare. I was struck by the little badge placed right on top of the heap of noodles and what-not. "Chef Inspired Recipe". What an intriguing phrase in itself, let alone to be placed on a badge. What can that mean? Was the maker of this meal (Michelina herself?) thinking of a favorite chef as she assembled this culinary mediocrity? Are we to imply that "Chef Inspired" means that an actual food professional was considered, but not necessarily consulted in the design of this dish? "Why yes, I was specifically thinking of Chef Gusteau when I decided that MSG would be the perfect complement to the trans fat in the sauce."

Upon close scrutiny, the tiny round green circle near the bottom of the plate bears an even more cryptic phrase. "Inspected for wholesomeness by the U.S. Department of Agriculture." What does THAT mean? It doesn't even say what the results of the inspection were! I assume it passed, but then again my experience in actually ingesting the Lean Gourmet "Chicken" Alfredo Florentine doesn't particularly shore up that assumption. I'm no dietician (refer to the Allison Knab), but I don't recall the term "wholesomeness" being used in any sort of specific nutritional way. It's a great way to make something sound healthy without getting into any supporting details. I'm disappointed and truly surprised that a governmental agency would produce a vague, uninformative certification. It's so unlike them.

McFerrin & Bona

This performance by Richard Bona and Bobby McFerrin is maybe the purest musical performance I've ever seen it. Makes me wonder why I've ever wasted my time listening to marginally talented musicians.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iimMKWF7SK0&feature=related

If I Had a Thousand Dollars

The other day, Log and I were eating dinner. He pointed out that I was making a lot of money in my job (from a 10-year-old's perspective), so why couldn't I just give him a thousand dollars? This made reflect seriously. In the last week, Log has brought home four wild frogs (and built a superb habitat for them), discovered three baby quail and attempted to keep them alive, and borrowed a toad from his buddy Kaden. Given the kid's limited resources, he has been remarkably successful in transforming our east Sandy home into Animal Planet. I've tried to imagine what critters we'd find roaming the grounds if he had a grand to add into the kitty.

Someone said recently that Laura has become so impressed with Paul Pierce (regardless of whether he really is Hispanic) that she's vowed to name the babe "The Truth" in his honor.

I've decided not to post any pictures of last night's bouldering, but I will say this: if current trends continue, it would be wise to buy stock in makers of Loc-tite super glue and Band-Aids. That's basically what's holding my hands together right now.

Immigration

As a rare foray from the monological pretenses of Headlong Into the Blue, I'd like to enlist the help of any of you readers out there. I frequently hear poorly crafted, illogical arguments on the issue of immigration. I see people (i.e., the Minutemen) getting lathered up about the influx of Hispanics and other immigrants into Utah and other states. I hear snarls of "They're stealing our jobs," and "They don't speak our language." I admit that I am biased towards the Latinos, having lived for two years in Uruguay, but I personally don't see what's wrong with having more immigrants in the state. What would the negative consequences be if we just made it less difficult for these folks to enter the United States for work? This seems suspiciously simple to me, but I'm having trouble seeing the opposing point of view. Readers, can you point out any gaps in my reasoning? Why is it so bad to have all these immigrants in the country?

Flapper

As per request...

The Legend of Log and Mr. Toilet Paper

So one night when I was in high school, Log was going to bed, and Jord (The Boy) and I were hanging out downstairs. After a while, a voice called out from Log's room, indicating that sleep had not been achieved. Ever the doting older brother, I cracked the door open to check on the kid. He claimed that getting to sleep would be difficult, nay, impossible, unless Ducky was retrieved from upstairs (Ducky, as his name indicates, is the duck component of Log's stuffed animal menagerie). Well, I had no desire to make the trek, and I knew The Boy would be even less eager. My mind raced to find a worthy substitute. Aha! "Log," I said, "a new pal will be joining you tonight." I left him briefly and soon returned from the bathroom, bearing Ducky's sit-in.

"This is Mr. Toilet Paper," I said, handing him the fresh roll I had just pulled from under the bathroom sink. "He's very soft and cuddly, and will be the perfect bunkmate." Log snuggled right up to Mr. Toilet Paper and was soon sleeping angelically. The Boy and I had a good chuckle in the other room, and we both thought that was the end of it. The next day when I got home from work, my mom was waiting for me. "Jae, can you think of any reason why there would be a roll of toilet paper in Logan's bed this morning?" I'm sure her imagination had just gone wild thinking of possible explanations, most of them quite unpleasant, for the roll's presence in Log's bed. I quickly related the tale to my concerned and confused mother, who was relieved and (luckily) amused by the incident.

Log has since learned to be more wary of his older brothers, and I have learned that I probably won't need to buy expensive stuffed animals for my children.

The End

Carlitos II: My Missionaries in a Foreign Field

"Feeling the pinch at the pump."

There's a man at my work named "Farrell Badger."

Last night I was asked to be on Tooth Fairy duty for Log, who claims he still believes (he knows better than to stop the gravy train). I went into his room when he was asleep and saw that in addition to the two molars in a Ziploc under his pillow, he had a shark's tooth from Tonga in a bag on his nightstand. Of course I couldn't resist, and exchanged his teeth for a screw and a paper clip, and put money in the bag in the place of the shark's tooth. When morning came, Log was insulted that the Tooth Fairy had placed such a low value on his teeth. He was also offended that his prized souvenir had been swiped.

This would have been especially funny to The Boy, who is well acquainted with the Legend of Log and Mr. Toilet Paper.

Carlitos

As many of you may well be aware, my brother, The Boy, entered the Empty-Sea a week ago, to get trained and stuff for his mission to Phoenix (he's LDS). There are many upsides to this development, including salvation for the Mexican People, but there are some drawbacks for those of us on the home front. One of these for me has been the loss (temporary) of one of the few people on earth who finds humor in the same things I do. I can no longer just shoot him off a text in the middle of the day saying something that I know only he and I will find funny. So for the last week, these funny thoughts have been building up inside me with no outlet. And then I remembered: my blog! So, dear readers, with no further explanation, here's what's been cracking me up since last Wednesday.

Tommy. Tom Cat. You can never have too many cats named Tom.
-Artie Fufkin

Do you like ice cream treats?
-Unknown

Picture in the Deseret Morning News of a SL Real player giving an opponent a wedgie mid-game.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700230878,00.html
(Okay, the rest of the world may find this funny also.)

Big right paw to big left paw.
-Big Dave

Oh, it's good to work in the soil. I love just working in the soil.
-Hal T.

And many more that I've surpressed/forgotten. I sigh as I stare into the steady rain and confront the reality of two humorless years ahead of me.

Today's recommendations:
Viva La Vida, Coldplay
Believe, The Bravery
A-Punk, Vampire Weekend

Cinco de Mayo

Yesterday I started work at an international explosives company. I learned that I am not allowed to use their name in writing, so don't think I am trying to be mysterious by not mentioning specifics! It really is quite an impressive organization, so I've been puzzled as to why they hired me. That became apparent early on yesterday. The company has a huge emphasis on safety. I also have a huge emphasis on safety. How many times have I personally admonished you to be safe? Most of you sneer and discard my counsel, but I remain undeterred. At work, we spend most of the first day learning about safety strategies, reviewing an extremely comprehensive drug and alcohol policy (I left not entirely sure I am in compliance, that's how comprehensive), thinking about safety, identifying possible safety hazards (in an office environment, mind you), and just being safe. I didn't see any helmets worn, but it wouldn't surprise me.

My job there is to do the taxes.

My fantasy team is still going strong (2nd place currently). I HIGHLY recommend the song "Eyes" by Rogue Wave. The boy is leaving soon for the mission, and Knab dog turns twenty something today.