El Bigote: Part II

Recently I have begun to wear a mustache (no, that isn't me pictured above though). As anticipated, public outcry has grown steadily. Given the number of misconceptions circulating in today's society about the mustache, I've brought in an expert, Mr. Kellen Gunderson, to address the subject. His thoughts follow:

We live in a perilous time. Our once grandiose republic is situated above a precipice: we are threatened from outside extremists and internal dissension. Stop and contemplate the list of problems our country is trying to deal with: rising oceans and deficits, swine flu, a generalized loss of propriety, and our very worst enemy- twitter. Amidst this turmoil and struggle to retain sanity, our society has been blessed with a special group of citizens- real heroes, modern lionhearts. These men labor in the background, shunning the spotlight, never taking credit for being the glue that holds us together as free people.

Despite being relatively anonymous, these men carry a singular trait that sets them apart. They have hair. Not hair on their head, or their chest, or even their back. No, these men have hair the only place that matters... right above their upper lip. Ah, the mustache, the lodestar of our lives. Look deep into your heart and think about the last time you saw a mustache. I mean a really good mustache, the kind of mustache who's very presence in the universe can make you believe in goodness, masculinity and raw awesomeness! Yes! You remember the feeling, likely you stopped in your tracks as you caught a glimpse of the auburn brown lip mane moving gracefully across the town square. Its effect was formidable. You stuttered on your cell phone, unable to speak- finally able to mention a single syllable: Wow.

I could list the numerous savants of style who rock the stache: Einstein and Selleck, Lando Calrissian and Hulk Hogan, Geraldo Rivera and Rollie Fingers, and at some point every one of the Beatles. Yet we forget that it wasn't the mustaches that developed the general theory of relativity, taught us to "Imagine", bodyslammed Andre the Giant or opened Al Capone's glovebox. It was the men, but men with so much bravado, genius, and beauty that it could not all be contained on a cleanly shaven face. Next time you see a mustached man you will hopefully notice how they stand a little taller. These men must stand taller, because they stand apart as the last bastions of freedom in very perilous world.

Bio of the Author:

Adventurer, troubadour, socialite. This new age beatnik began writing during the Falkland Islands war, where he fought for both sides. As a modern, funk-pop renaissance man, Mr. Kellen Gunderson spends his time composing sublime prose and contemplating universal mysteries. He currently resides with his wife and bicycle in the Eastern Lands. Mr. Gunderson may be reached by carrier pigeon.