Dietary Constrictions

Over the years, many of you have expressed admiration at my nutritional background. Several have patterned your dietary strategies around my own efforts. I feel a high degree of responsibility for this, and have therefore decided to offer everyone a little food tip. Last night I had an order of Gordon Biersch's famous garlic fries at the Giants game. They were delicious as usual. Afterward, I went with the Dave Tueller family to the world famous Bob's Doughnuts. The cake doughnuts were coming off fresh and I just couldn't help myself. I had a cake crumb, followed by a cake with maple icing, followed by another cake crumb. I left Bob's a satisfied man, but just a few short hours later, I reaped the whirlwind. I could hardly sleep last night due to acute stomach pains, which continued after I woke up this morning. Thinking to ease the discomfort with some mild apple sauce, I grabbed the jar and dug in. I quickly realized that my refusal to adhere to the "Refrigerate After Opening" warning had resulted in general ferementation of said sauce. Straight to the trash.

In summary, I had garlic fries, three Bob's Doughnuts, and alcoholic applesauce all in a row. If you ever find yourself feeling a little too healthy or happy, let me wholeheartedly recommend this combination. I felt like I'd been stabbed in the stomach.