Self-Esteem on a Stick

I recently purchased a new stick of deodorant. Normally I'm pretty conservative when it comes to deodorant (none of this Axe business), but as I scanned the various scents on Monday, I encountered an opportunity way too good to pass up. This flavor of Old Spice's RED ZONE line is called "Swagger". A careful reading of the banner near the top of the stick indicates that Swagger is indeed The Official Scent of Confidence. And to think I'd been living a timid, bashful, and hesitant life when the cure was right there on the Wal-Mart shelves. And for those skeptics among you, let me just say this. Since I've started using Swagger, my confidence has doubled, nay, tripled. Not since Orange-Orange VitaminWater has my life been so profoundly impacted by a consumer product. I encourage any of you who may be shy, nervous, or fearful to pick up a stick and try it for yourself!