Moving Day

So, I've decided to pack up and move this whole operation over to jaeclarke.wordpress.com. There is no real reason for doing this.

Battle Royale

 


Tonight we had a bit of a debate round here. Who would win between Gandalf (the White) and Albus Dumbledore? Please leave comments indicating your choice, and please support your choice with cogent arguments. For example, if you put something like "Dumbledore, because hes awesome!" you will have aspersions heaped upon you.

On Aging

Soon I will be 25 years old, or middle-aged, in other words. When I was young, I thought I'd live forever. Now I am starting to become aware of some of the telltale signs of aging. For example, my affinity for '80s bands I used to despise is growing. I just bought music from both The Police and Depeche Mode. What next? Blondie? Another indication that I am growing old is my increasing cantankerousness (cantankerosity?). I get riled up sometimes about Kids These Days. I feel like the '90s just don't get enough respect. I spend a lot of time thinking about my retirement fund. My main social activity each week consists of playing Rummikub with my roommates. (Parenthetically, our apartment has essentially become an Old Folks' Home, other than the long flight of stairs to get up to it, the lack of three square meals a day, and the absence of surly semi-medical attendants. Dementia, clothing that is both unflattering and unfashionable, and time spent watching the History Channel are all there in abundance.) Jello is becoming more and more appealing as a primary food source. I feel compelled to argue with political commentators on TV. Last night, I believe everyone in our apartment was tucked in bed as of 11:15 PM. So raise a glass and shed a tear for the bygone days of youth. Old age in Provo is upon us.

Nobel Peace Prize Candidates

Many of you probably heard that our President, Barack Obama, won the Nobel Peace Prize this week. While I believe President Obama is a good man and a well-intentioned man, and I do not disagree with all of his policies/ideologies, it has nevertheless been a struggle for me to understand why he would merit such an award. In the process of thinking about what kind of qualifications someone actually needs to win the Nobel Peace Prize, it occurred to me that a few other very worthy candidates were perhaps overlooked. I will list them for you.

*Beyonce's Music Video. As previously noted by Kanye West AND N. J. Henry, this is one of the best music videos OF ALL TIME! I have read a number of reports that indicate that this video alone is the only thing keeping the states of Louisiana and Mississippi from declaring war on each other.

*The Snuggie. Now available in leopard and zebra print. What is more peaceful than a blanket with sleeves?

*twitter. It has been clinically proven that people who tweet regularly are less likely to respond to everyday situations with physical aggression.

*The late Michael Jackson. Though his morals and character were clearly suspect, this man brought the world together upon his passing. People across the globe laid down their weapons, embraced, and shed tears as the news media gushed about Mr. Jackson's entertainment prowess.

*Dr. Z, Dr. Kevorkian, and Dr. Phil. This triumvirate of physicians have worn out their lives proclaiming peace in their own ways. A more deserving division of doctors never has existed.

Anyone I'm omitting? Please leave a comment to let me know.

Change! Hope!

So I blatantly stole this from my cousin Landon's facebook. It's a message I believe we can all unitedly stand behind.

Parenting

I have some thoughts about parenting. Specifically, being a father. Here's my idea for today: After-school snacks. As everyone knows, the classic after-school snack is milk and cookies. I would never turn down milk and cookies, regardless of the situation (after-school or not). However, I think my kids will love me when I greet them after school with neither milk nor cookies, but a tray of hot, crispy bacon. Think about it! It's got everything you need in an after-school snack: meat, saturated fats, and hearty aromas! In fact, if any of my roommates actually read this, please have a tray of bacon waiting for me when I get home today. Thank you.

Color Guard

Last night, I offered my freshman sister a significant portion of money if she'd try out for and make the BYU Color Guard (the ones that prance around with flags next to the marching band). She flatly refused, even when I increased the offer. The offer remains open, however, to any of my friends who have not previously been a part of the Color Guard. Please contact me and we'll discuss the terms of the arrangement. If you have any questions, please refer them to Jo Firefox Metro, who enjoyed a distinctive career with the BYU Color Guard.

Pestilence

We ran into a bit of trouble Friday night. It was around 5:30 in the afternoon. Suddenly, and without warning, flies began converging around our kitchen area (the common housefly variety). They were merely irritating initially, but as their numbers swelled they became intolerable. After a few unsuccessful hand swats, I borrowed a flyswatter from a neighbor and started doing work on them. As the death toll mounted, I became alarmed as their numbers didn't seem to be diminishing. 10, 15, 20, the fly corpses piled up in the kitchen sink, and still no relief. With wonder and amazement, Dr. Z and I continued swinging. 30, 35. . . The swarm abated as darkness fell and the sink pile grew. We finished the night at around 50. A few stragglers remain and we have been unable to determine the source. We keep the place fairly clean; whence this plague of flies? Is it revenge for my work in Virginia? Perhaps we'll never know.

Glenhaven Apartments: All the Adventure a Man Can Handle

A Very Specialized Skill Set

I always yearned for notoriety, complete with full coverage by BYU's Daily Universe. I never quite knew in what form that notoriety would come. I wonder no more.

See this story.

Also, this one. Be sure to check out her blog. I'm #10.

Jae Clarke. Serial blind dater.

Let's Give It Up For The Coyote

Also, this is hysterical.